♡ MARRIAGE: a legally or formally recognized union of a man and woman
(not just any 2 “persons”) as partners in a personal, human relationship.

Generally, it could also mean a combination or mixture of different elements.

MARRAGE: to mar, disfigure, deface, or scar. Simply put , to damage or spoil. A marrage therefore is a broken or damaged relationship. It sounds very much like marrage but it’s different.

DIVORCE, ABUSE, GENDER VIOLENCE AND SEPERATION ON THE INCREASE .

According to the American Psychological Association, approximately 40-50% of first marriages end in divorce. The divorce rate for second marriages is even higher, with approximately 60-67% of second marriages ending in divorce. And even among those not formally divorced, there abound cases of separation- internally, informally and legally. The causes are as numerous as the couples involved; they range from personal, to socio-cultural to financial. Any generalization, therefore, will only be academic.

The tragedy in this matter is that the difference is not that clear even among Christians. Many Christian couples are roasting in the “marriage chamber”. The only reason many have not run out is shame and pride, never mind that they will readily and religiously cite, “God hates divorce” as a reason, as though same God doesn’t hate hypocrisy (Proverbs 6:16-19, AMP)

Challenges in marriage may be customized to the couples concerned, but there are a few common denominators that appear to turn marrIages into marrAges.

▪︎ Preparation
Many people go into marriage ill-prepared for the demands and challenges of marriage. This is made worse by inadequate, or sometimes inappropriate, pre-marital counselling. Much of it is more of canceling than counselling. The horse must be made ready against the day of battle.

▪︎ Roles & Responsibilities
Marriage comes with certain responsibilities that many were not prepared for. They go into marriage with a mindset to get, only to discover marriage demands more of giving. It is not a question of fulfilling roles, but of complementing each other.

▪︎ Intimacy deficiency
Matters of sexual intimacy and romance are at the heart of many a trouble in marriage. It may be a minor issue with men, who can easily and readily keep ‘side-chicks’, but It’s a major issue with women who would rather get it from their men.

▪︎ Death by debt.
The wedding vows often include a line that says, “untill DEATH do us part”. It could as well be “till DEBT do us part”. For more marriages have been marred by debts than by deaths. He who goes borrowing goes sorrowing.

▪︎ Extraneous factors
These could range from in-laws interference, to infidelity to sudden loss of job or business. And in this age of migration (“japa”), challenges of transition and resettlement do mar many marriages.

MARRIAGES ARE BUILT, NOT BOUGHT.
Every good and enduring marriage is built on three pillars: mutual LOVE, mutual RESPECT and mutual TRUST. And the foundation is God and His word.

More on this to come….